FINANCIAL EXPECTATIONS PLACED ON FIRST SONS

FIRST SON

In many Nigerian and African homes, being the first son comes with financial expectations that are rarely discussed openly. It is usually assumed that once he starts earning, he will support not only himself but also parents, younger siblings, and sometimes extended family members.

For some families, this mindset comes from tradition. In others, it is shaped by economic realities where family members depend on whoever is financially stable. While supporting family is a strong cultural value and comes from love and solidarity, the weight placed specifically on first sons can sometimes be overwhelming.

When Income Comes with Immediate Responsibility

A first son’s first job is sometimes seen as a turning point for the whole family. Instead of focusing solely on settling into adulthood, building savings, or planning future goals, he may quickly become a financial contributor to household needs.

Requests can range from school fees for siblings to medical bills, rent assistance, or general family support. These responsibilities may start small but increases over time. The challenge is that early career income is rarely stable or sufficient, yet expectations may grow faster than financial capacity.

This situation can create pressure, especially when he is still learning financial management himself.

Balancing Personal Growth with Family Needs

Many first sons delay personal ambitions because family needs take priority. Some postpone further education, business plans, or relocation opportunities. Others sacrifice personal comfort, savings, or leisure just to ensure family members are supported.

While this sacrifice is admirable, consistently putting personal development aside can slow long-term progress. Financial independence requires planning, investment, and sometimes risk-taking, which become difficult when most income is already committed elsewhere.

Striking a balance between helping family and building one’s own future is not always easy.

Comparison and Social Expectations

Another challenge comes from comparison, sometimes within families and sometimes from society. Stories of other first sons building houses for parents, paying all siblings’ school fees, or providing major financial support can create unspoken benchmarks.

Even when these comparisons are meant as encouragement, they can create unnecessary pressure. Everyone’s financial journey is different, influenced by career paths, opportunities, economic conditions, and personal priorities.

Emotional Pressure That Comes with Financial Roles

Financial expectations are not just about money. They carry emotional weight. A first son may struggle with guilt when he cannot meet every request immediately. There may also be fear of disappointing parents or being perceived as neglectful.

These emotions can lead some individuals to stretch themselves financially beyond their limits. Over time, this can cause stress, burnout, or anxiety, even when the intention is simply to support loved ones.

It is important to acknowledge that many parents do not intentionally place unfair burdens on their first sons. Some are acting based on what they experienced growing up. Others are dealing with economic challenges and naturally turn to the child they believe is most capable.

In many cases, the expectation comes from trust, not exploitation. Parents may simply believe the first son can handle responsibility. However, trust should ideally come with understanding of his limits and circumstances.

The Role of Siblings and Shared Responsibility

Financial responsibility within families works best when it is shared. When siblings contribute according to their ability, it reduces pressure on one person and promotes collective stability.

This shared approach also encourages accountability and independence among all family members. It prevents situations where one person feels overburdened while others remain financially detached from family responsibilities.

There is a noticeable shift among younger Nigerians and Africans today. Conversations about financial boundaries, mental well-being, and responsible family support are becoming more common.

More people are recognizing that helping family should not come at the cost of personal stability. Financial literacy, career planning, and open communication are increasingly seen as essential tools for balancing family obligations with personal growth.

Finding a Healthy Balance

Balance does not mean abandoning family responsibilities. Family support remains an important cultural strength. However, balance may involve:

        •       Honest discussions about financial capacity

        •       Realistic expectations from both sides

        •       Shared responsibilities among siblings

        •       Respect for personal goals and timelines

        •       Emotional encouragement alongside financial support

When these elements exist, support becomes collaborative rather than burdensome.

Talking openly about financial expectations placed on first sons helps normalize the reality many people experience. It reduces stigma around setting boundaries and encourages families to approach financial support more thoughtfully.

Sustainable support benefits everyone. A financially stable individual is better positioned to help family consistently than someone under constant pressure.