Patriarchy: Men Must Be Strong, Women Must Be Submissive; Who Created These Rules?
Patriarchy is a word that often generates strong reactions. Some people hear it and immediately think of feminism or arguments between men and women. Others believe it is simply an attack on culture or traditional values. But patriarchy is more complicated than that.
At its core, patriarchy refers to a social system in which men, as a group, have traditionally held greater authority and power than women in major areas of society.
It can influence politics, education, employment, family structures, inheritance, leadership, religion, and even the expectations we have for ourselves. The interesting thing about patriarchy is that we do not always notice it because many of its ideas are taught from childhood.
Gender expectations begin early
A child does not have to understand the word “patriarchy” to experience gender expectations. A boy may be told; “Men don’t cry.” “You are the man of the house.” “You have to be strong.” “You must provide for your family.”
A girl may hear; “Girls should be respectful.” “A woman should know how to keep a home.” “You should be submissive.” “A woman’s place is in the home.”
Some expectations may be rooted in genuine attempts to teach responsibility. The problem occurs when these expectations become rigid rules that determine what a person is allowed to become.
The pressure placed on women
Women can experience patriarchy in many ways. A woman may be highly educated but still be expected to prioritize marriage over her career. She may earn her own money but be criticized for being too independent. She may express an opinion confidently and be called disrespectful, while a man displaying the same confidence is described as a leader.
A woman may also be expected to perform most domestic responsibilities even when she works full-time. This creates an unfair situation where women are sometimes expected to succeed professionally while simultaneously carrying the majority of household responsibilities.
Patriarchy affects men too
It is important to recognize that patriarchy does not only affect women. Traditional ideas about masculinity can place enormous pressure on men. A man may feel that he must always be financially successful. He may feel ashamed to ask for help. He may believe that showing sadness makes him weak.
A man who wants to stay home with his children may be mocked. A man who earns less than his partner may feel embarrassed because society has taught him that his value is connected to being the primary provider. These expectations can be damaging. Men deserve emotional freedom just as women deserve social and economic freedom.
Culture and patriarchy
The conversation becomes particularly interesting in Nigeria because gender expectations are often closely connected to culture. Nigeria is culturally diverse, and different communities have different traditions regarding marriage, family, inheritance, leadership, and gender roles.
Not every cultural practice is oppressive, and not every traditional value needs to be abandoned. The goal should not be to reject culture simply because it is traditional. Instead, we should ask questions.
Does this tradition promote dignity? Does it treat people fairly? Does it allow individuals to make informed choices? Does it give one gender rights that are denied to another without a just reason? These questions allow us to distinguish between traditions that strengthen communities and practices that unnecessarily limit people.
The changing Nigerian woman
Today, Nigerian women are increasingly visible in business, politics, science, technology, entertainment, education, medicine, law, and entrepreneurship.
Women are building companies, becoming professionals, creating content, entering traditionally male-dominated industries, and supporting families financially. Yet progress does not mean the problem has disappeared. Women may still experience pressure to “have it all” while being judged harshly for the choices they make.
A successful woman may be asked when she plans to marry. A married woman may be asked when she plans to have children. A mother may be criticized for working too much. A stay-at-home mother may be criticized for not contributing financially. Sometimes, society creates impossible standards for women.
The solution is not a competition between men and women. We do not need a society where women dominate men. We need a society where gender does not determine a person’s worth or limit their opportunities.
Men and women should be allowed to develop their talents, make decisions, pursue careers, build families, and express themselves without being trapped by rigid stereotypes. Patriarchy should therefore be discussed not simply as a problem affecting women, but as a system of expectations that shapes everyone’s lives.
Changing society begins with questioning what we have always considered normal. We can respect our parents without accepting every belief they inherited. We can value culture while recognizing that cultures evolve.
We can respect masculinity without demanding that men suppress their emotions. We can celebrate femininity without restricting women to traditional roles. The goal should not be to destroy the family or culture. The goal should be fairness, dignity, freedom, and mutual respect.
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