THINGS I KNOW NOW THAT I DIDN’T AT 20

WHAT I WOULD TELL MY 20 YEAR OLD SELF

At 20, I was very confident for someone who knew absolutely nothing. I had opinions about life, money, friendships, success, everything. I spoke with authority, like I had cracked some secret code just by existing for two decades. I really thought adulthood was something you arrive at, not something that slowly sneaks up on you while you’re busy surviving.

Now, years later, I realize that 20-year-old me wasn’t foolish, she was just innocent. Life hadn’t introduced her to reality properly yet.

These are the things I know now, the things experience whispered, shouted, and sometimes slapped into me that I honestly didn’t understand at 20.

At 20, I thought everyone was watching me closely. Every mistake felt public, every delay felt embarrassing. I thought if I didn’t make it early, people would notice and quietly conclude that I wasn’t serious with my life. Now I know the truth: everybody is too busy worrying about themselves. Your failures don’t echo as loudly as you think. I didn’t know how much patience life requires.

At 20, I wanted results immediately. If something wasn’t working, I assumed it never would. I didn’t understand slow seasons, I didn’t understand waiting and I thought waiting was a punishment. Now I know waiting is sometimes preparation, sometimes life delays you because you’re not ready for what you’re asking for and sometimes, things just take time, no matter how badly you want them.

 At 20, I believed effort was always rewarded fairly, work hard, be good, do your best and things will work out. I didn’t know how much luck, access, timing, privilege, and location matter. I didn’t know you could be talented and still be overlooked. I didn’t know you could do everything right and still struggle.

Knowing this now hasn’t made me bitter, but it has made me kinder to myself and to others. I didn’t know how lonely adulthood could feel.

At 20, friendships were automatic. You met people in class, at church, at events, and somehow you all just stayed connected. I thought closeness was permanent.

Now I know friendships require effort, grace, forgiveness, and sometimes acceptance that things have changed. People grow. people get busy, people choose different paths and losing touch doesn’t always mean losing love.

At 20, I thought being alone meant something was wrong. If you were single, quiet, or spending time by yourself, it felt like a phase you needed to escape quickly. Now I know solitude can be healing. Silence can be comforting and being alone can teach you who you are when nobody is clapping for you.

 Loneliness is not the absence of people, sometimes it’s the absence of understanding even in a crowded room. I didn’t know how much my body would change and how emotional that would feel.

At 20, I thought my body would always respond the same way. Eat this, look like that. Sleep well, glow forever. Nobody prepared me for weight changes, tiredness, hormonal shifts, or the quiet grief of not recognizing yourself sometimes. Now I know my body isn’t a project to perfect. It’s a home and homes change with time.

Most importantly, at 20, I didn’t know how strong I was. I didn’t know I could survive disappointment, rejection, confusion and still wake up the next day and try again. I didn’t know I could bend without breaking. I didn’t know growth could be quiet and messy and still valid.

If I could speak to my 20-year-old self now, I wouldn’t overwhelm her with advice. I’d just tell her this; You’re not behind, you’re not weak, you’re not failing. Life is just beginning to teach you and you’re doing better than you think and honestly, that knowledge alone would have saved me a lot of unnecessary panic.